Cindy's Chronicles

Living without Expectation

When I was in the fourth grade, my school would hold an assembly once a month. We would crowd into the gymnasium and listen as teachers called out their Student of the Month. One by one, these honored students would walk proudly down the aisle to accept their certificate.
This was a big deal for me. There I would sit, fidgeting anxiously in my seat as I awaited the verdict that would either make or break my spirits. Unfortunately, month after month would pass with nothing to show for my hard work. After every assembly, I would torture myself with questions: Was I not smart enough? I got good enough grades, didn’t I? What was I doing wrong?

During one such assembly, I happened to be sitting next to my friend, Jessica. As usual, I was ready to bounce off my chair from the excitement. “Oh! I hope I get it this time!” I said to her.

“Get what?” she said.

“Student of the Month! Duh!” I said.

“Oh, that,” she said gloomily.

“Well, don’t you want one too?” I asked her. Her grades were even better than mine, so I figured she would have been hoping for one as well.

“Yeah, I do,” she said. “But I don’t come here expecting anything. That way, if I do get the award, it feels like a nice surprise. And if I don’t get it, I don’t feel bad because I didn’t expect to get it anyway.”

“Hmm.” Somehow, this reasoning made sense to me.

I pondered this and decided she was right. Why risk being disappointed? From that moment on, I stopped expecting good things to happen to me. I got rid of my high hopes, and got rid of any expectations I might have. I would save myself the pain of losing, and I would never feel bad again about not getting something I wanted.
I have continued to apply this way of thinking, more or less, up until now, but I don’t know if it always works in my favor. Is living life without hope the way to go? Live in the present, be mindful of what is going on right now, and don’t worry about the future. These are things I’ve heard before.

Desire is the root of all suffering. If you don’t want anything, then you won’t suffer. This is basically what my friend was saying, just in simpler fourth grade terms, although her way of thinking was beyond her years, I must say.

I think that living with this belief can be good, but only up to an extent and not in all situations. Sometimes we do deserve the things that we want, like a promotion or to be in a committed relationship, and we should at least try to attain them because these things will make us happy or make us feel fulfilled. Or at least we think they will. We’re allowed to dream, aren’t we? We should be able to have goals, and try to reach them, or else what are we living for?

It’s hard not to desire anything. It’s part of our human nature. We can live without expectations, but will we be satisfied with what we end up with? If you are a true believer, then the answer is yes, because you never expected anything more. If you are caught in the middle, like I am, then the answer to this question becomes more difficult.